after xams trauma

so the long awaited 19 April has finally arrived!!!

done with my exams,i was supposed to be happy,but i am not.don't know what but something is making me ill.i am not behaving right,i am not feeling right.i am avoiding things, ignoring everything that i should take care of.

a sense of apathy fills me in....and i don't know how to avoid it!!!

ahead of me lies 70 days for which i don't have any plans...i don't want to go home,i don't want to stay here either..but i have no other alternative...have to pick one..and i picked college.i am sure about one thing..its going to be a very long summer !!!!

i am going to miss many things in this summer...and interestingly this time the"miss list" contain some people too!!!....and i know i am going to miss them really bad  :(

i wanted a "time machine"...does anyone know where to find it????

p.s

my horoscope are giving me headache..this time it's orkut fortune

it says:Today might be a great and wonderful day. It depends on you

:D

depends on me ???what the heck!!!

a "horoscope"

today morning,around 9,breaking my fast,my tickr horoscope flashed on the screen

 

it says ---don't hide your feeling today !!!!!!!!

:D

i don't know why but this particular "horoscope" make me laugh,and i started laughing.everyone around looked at me in surprise but i didn't stop laughing[its a feeling,right??].and i am not supposed to hide it

i,then try to figure it out....what this suppose to mean....it definitely sound absurd..don't hide Ur feeling.... isn't it ???..but then i feel that probably its not that simple as it looks....is it really possible to not hide our feelings??..i think not!!!

from morning to night i have countless feelings.everything that cross my path give me a feeling ..and this is one of the things that i  can't control.i may have a good feeling or a bad feelings but i surely have one.and here the problem starts ...i mean how can i not hide my feelings????..am i suppose to tell people that they better use their common sense or am i suppose to tell them to mind their own business

okkk..leave these so called "BAD" feelings...sometimes i even hesitate to compliment people...i am afraid to tell them how much i like and love them...and then i just hide my feelings and leave..i mean these feelings are not going to hurt anyone but still there is something that prevent me to show them ...

so sorry tickr...i can't follow you ...may be someday,when you say something easier to do,i may try ..but today ..definitely not !!!!!

small things!!!!!!

my past !!!

what i remember

tells me quietly 

we do not need much more 

to be happy n enjoy

in fact i feel 

small things are quite better

they makes us happy no less

within a moment 

they raise us

from low to high

so i feel like thanking god

for filling my life 

with such beautiful small things

that make me feel good n fair

whenever i am down n alone

they appear and insure

 

that i will end up positively somewhere

i wish

All the clouds
Oh they're gray
I'll stay if you go away
Concrete, tall as the sky
Movement, passing me by
And the blush
What a rush
Reminice
Cold crush
Next door, ear to the wall
All the tension, wait for the call

I wish, I wish
I wish, it was 
All that easy
I wish, I wish
I wish, it was 
All that easy

-Limp Bizkit

"i wish"

Desert Places

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces....
Between Stars...on Stars where no human race is....
I have it in me... much nearer home....
To scare myself with my own desert places.....

-Robert Frost
"Desert Places"

am i or am i not???

am i having an inspiration?

or am i getting distracted?

am i having a vision?

or its jus a blurred imagination?

my mind is full of things

yet, i can't think of anything

every time i think,i find a path

something drag me n let me meandering

i am not sure of what i really feel

are these smiles sincere

or a way to hide something

 

i am feeling cold in this damn hot day

now i know 

it would be better  

that i never wake up

so i may live in dreams

where fairies are always seen.

find you there

outside,beyond what is right and wrong,there exist a vast field............

we will find each other there...

                                            --mevlana jelaluddin rumi